Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Evolution of the Marlboro Man

Let's face it, the Marlboro Man is hot. Sure, he's probably missing a jaw by now if he hasn't died from lung cancer, or maybe he can only talk by holding one of those voice-simulator gadgets up to the hole in his throat, but still. There's just something about a rugged loner cowboy in chaps. Here he is circa 1989:Mm hmm, nice skin, strong jaw, blue shirt, white hat. Lookin' good. But it gets better if we go back to the original 1957 MM:A lot to like fo' sho'! Well, except for the douche-baggery shining through in that expression. I don't know what it is, but there's something very French about this picture. Which I'm sure is the exact opposite of what the Marlboro man is supposed to stand for. Maybe it's the way he's holding the cigarette? Or perhaps his sartorial choices...

Now here's 1996:
Oo la la, nice vest. And how does he keep his shirt so clean?? (Must have something to do with the cigarettes).

And finally, the sexiest of all, from 2004, and probably the last close-up we'll ever see of him (most of the recent ads show cowboys herding cattle from afar to emphasize...uh, I dunno, the wide open spaces and freedom that being a slave of addiction to cigarettes affords you?):"But, you can't even see his face!", you say? That's the POINT! Look, he's MYSTERIOUS. Besides, if he were to reveal his full identity, you would be so overcome with his supreme masculinity that you might sprout a chest hair (if you're a guy), or swoon and pass out (if you're a lady). "You're welcome," he's saying. "You couldn't handle this."

This is what I do instead of working on my thesis. Examine the evolving hottness of the Marlboro Man. This is very important research, though. Someone's gotta do it.


greyguitar said...

well clearly the thesis is helping you so well. i couldn't help but laugh when i read the title of your blog because i knew, without reading anything else, that this was brought on from the thesis.

--sball-- said...

finally, I don't think I could read "a gentler post" any longer. after 2349 reads it kind of gets old. I mean thanks for helping with my memorization skills, but still... :-)